Some time ago I began to see that I usually resist continuing in the process that I have walked up to now with the tools (of Self-Forgiveness, Self-Commitment and the corrective practical application), and commonly I prefer to just think about things and some points that I can touch in my process and that generates a placebo effect where I feel that I am really advancing / changing in my process / life by thinking / considering such things that I want to forgive and change / correct in myself.
In this resistance I have found a pattern related to my previous way of turning to God and his help when I was a believer, where I usually turned to God when some tragedy happened to me or simply when I felt sad / depressed for various reasons or when I had the feeling of feeling very good / at peace with myself, for believing that everything was going to be okay thanks to God (which was nothing objective or specific). And although I never became such a believer as to voluntarily go to church or read the Bible constantly; I still have that tendency / pattern of giving importance to continuing to walk in my process just (or in large part) when something tragic happens to me, when I feel emotionally screwed up, when I see and realize (objectively) how screwed I am or when I feel sentimentally motivated, as if I be inspired by some feeling that prompts me to write things that sound good to me but do not really help me to see and understand that this is just a pleasant but temporary state of mind thinking / feeling that excites me but at the same time It only anesthetizes me in a bliss that leads me to settle for my life as it is.
I have long been able to see, realize and understand that just as when I had my belief that God was a supreme being (as is religiously conceived) or (later) when I began to conceive God as my very essence, as is conceived from the perspective of the “New Age” current, - here I only considered that I was God potentially, without considering what it implies to be a God, beyond the ideal / belief ... then later I realized that that only took me to get stuck for many years in my thoughts / "higher beliefs" / positive feelings, while I did practically nothing productive or REAL in my life / "process", due to the anesthetizing effect of my thoughts / feelings / beliefs / higher purposes that they were quite subjective and unattainable / unrealistic, but nevertheless they served to ideally justify me in my lifestyle, regardless of the fact that several people in my life tried to make me see my propiates inconsistencies and my irresponsibility to "live" in such a way and I only tended to avoid such discussions / confrontations or to react emotionally as I believed / felt that they were attacking me personally, when in reality they were only questioning my ideas / beliefs.
After realizing that such beliefs largely only served to justify my inactivity and irresponsibility in my life, I began to go to the other extreme (in which I still find myself) of seeing everything so negatively and pessimistically to the point of believing that it is too late to really do something that is better for myself and others (contribute to creating Heaven on Earth) and as a result of this I have chosen to judge and react negatively to everything and all those who spread such ideas / religious beliefs / New Age material, without considering that I did not want or could understand or accept the objectivity of those criticisms and judgments that someone else made me in the past because I believed and felt that they were an attack on my person, (since I conceived / perceived such criticisms and judgments as mere personal / prejudiced projections coming from others, by the mere fact that I thinking / believing / considering something different from what they considered); So, How can I expect that my judgments of others (believers) are something that can really helps them to understand their ignorance and irresponsibility, if my criticisms and questions start from a starting point of negatively judging their beliefs and ideals?; If personally I had too much resistance to listen and consider something outside of my beliefs and ideals, regardless of whether the starting point of whoever was questioning me was to help me to see and weigh with logic and common sense the subjectivity and my personal bias that it did not allow me see my incoherence and irresponsibility and where obviously I simply did not listen to those criticisms and judgments with "negative connotations"? ... However, I was only able to realize my incoherence and irresponsibility in this since I started doing the DIP-Lite because when I started to write my issues in Self-Honesty it was when I began to see my things more objectively and at the same time I began to see how subjectively I tended to justify my inconsistencies and irresponsibility with myself and with others, so I understand that in my case it was impossible to listen and understand the objective criticisms that others made me because I was ignorantly trapped in my personal definitions and in my ideals, beliefs and lofty purposes that were true to me, no matter how out of reality they were. So I understand that others (as well as me) are not going to be able to conceive of anything that is beyond their beliefs and ideals if they do not have an understanding of the vocabulary without religious, cultural and personal bias of the words that make up their vocabulary in order to understand (objectively) what they actually are / are not doing by so passionately believing / considering their beliefs.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to continue to justify my resistance to walking my process with the tools by not wanting to continue to question the reasons for my resistance itself.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to settle for the placebo effect created by my thoughts, mental chats, emotions and feelings that I experience when I thinking / considering the points that I can touch in my process.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to continue to delude myself into the belief that I am changing / moving forward in my life / process by the mere fact of thinking about the things I want to do and thus creating an anesthetizing feeling that makes me feel / think that I am changing / improving and therefore I can be calm with myself.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to consider / attach importance to continuing to walk my process only when difficult to digest things happen to me in my life, as I am used / programmed to do so since I was a believer or maybe before.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to continue to justify my irresponsibility with ideals that sound good to me (inside my mind) but are not consistent with my words and actions in reality.
I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to listen and discern the criticisms and judgments that others made to me objectively and with common sense.
I forgive myself for not having accepted and allowed myself to see / hear, realize and understand that the questions, criticisms and judgments that others made me in the past (regarding my beliefs and ideals) contained enough reason and common sense, but I could not understand /comprehend because I had (and still have) quite a bias in understanding the words that make up my vocabulary, so I could only perceive (subjectively and emotionally) such criticisms and judgments from others as if they were a personal attack.
I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated by not being able to make others understand that their beliefs are incoherent and make them be irresponsible in reality, without understanding and considering that it is almost impossible for others to understand this, just as I could not do it when I was (and still am) limited in my ability / effectiveness of understanding words.
As and when I see myself thinking and letting go / procrastinating touching the points where I want to keep walking to forgive and correct myself, I stop and breathe to anchor HERE and see that I am just settling with my thoughts and feelings that make me believe that I am doing something about it to change / correct myself within my mind in the NOW; instead of doing something practical in reality / HERE to change / correct myself by touching the points by writing in Self-Honesty.
I realize that when I was a believer of God, as well as when I was a believer of the God within (which I still believe but from a more practical perspective and not just ideally), I only considered this world and what I can learn here, as If it were only a scenario in which I could learn to understand / remember the divinity / my divine essence in order to transcend this world and perhaps ascend from this plane, without considering that in that belief I was not considering the closest thing, which IS and IT IS HERE / in the world itself and therefore I mostly chose to give importance to my destiny / to come in the afterlife and did not consider that on that path I was abdicating many of my responsibilities here on Earth, as well as in my real and objective life, so this was pushing me to only give importance to those things / ideals that seem so "deep, important and elevated" and for what in part now I resist wanting to see and touch the points that "aren't very important” in my process, such as some patterns that I personally do not consider very significant in my being and in my person, such as some programs that do not represent something important that should be considered, but nevertheless I continue to see how these patterns are followed repeating in my day to day and which are details that are accumulating and making something bigger and more significant in my life, as well as in the lives of others and life itself that I affect negatively with my existence by not taking those details into account.
Here I also realize that if I do not consider or begin to touch / walk in my process those points that are apparently not very relevant in myself, eventually I will have to deal with the respective and significant consequences of it for allowing such details to go building up to become something negatively prominent in my life, in the lives of those I affect, and in reality itself. And right here I realize that constancy in my process not only serves to prevent many negative things / consequences in the future; but it also helps me to dig / unearth, understand, forgive and correct my own personal deficient patterns / programs that prevent me from doing what is best for me and others in a practical, objective (and not just ideal) way to be able to to be someone trustworthy and to be able to contribute to doing something that is better for myself and for others and for life in this world, since that is what the reverse engineering of this process is for and that is how it works (7 Year Journey to Life).
(I had too much resistance to start, continue and finish this blog, because personally I did not want to touch / write these points related to my resistance to creating Heaven on Earth, because I consider that talking about religion and beliefs is a very trite topic and not very relevant. However I see that by questioning this I was able to realize that I still maintain the old patterns of only doing something about it when I feel so screwed up or when something motivates me enough to take action, which is one aspect of my dependence on energy / energetic experiences that have always influenced what I do or do not do depending on my mood, as previously I have been too dependent on my emotions and feelings to make / not make decisions in my life).
I commit myself to continue questioning and walking the points related to my resistance to continue advancing in my process.
I commit myself to stop settling for the placebo effect that I experience every time I think about where I can continue to walk in my process and right here I commit myself to being honest with myself to see and discern what I can do to do about it when I think of those ideas that sound great in my mind, to put them into action by doing something practical in reality and not just imagining big things / changes in my mind.
I commit myself to stop negatively judging the ideas of those who believe in God and instead see if I can support them to be aware of their inconsistencies and irresponsibilities, considering them equal to me and if I cannot help them to see their own bias, I commit myself to follow my process so as not to waste my time and not to make others waste their time in arguments to seek to be right. And right here I commit myself to listen to the criticisms and judgments that others share with me, to discern what is objective and to be able to support myself with such advice / explanations that can help me improve in what I cannot see nor understand by myself.
I commit myself to push myself to do what I want and what I have to do without allowing myself to depend on the sentimental energy created by my optimistic / positive thoughts to move myself.
I commit to myself to push myself to do what I want and what I have to do and not allow the emotional energy created by my pessimistic / negative thoughts to keep me from moving myself.
No hay comentarios.:
Publicar un comentario